Session etiquette part 1 – First Contact

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When contacting a Mistress, it’s important that you can let her know that you’re the kind of guy she is going to be happy spending a couple of hours of her life in a small dimly-lit room with. I’m aware that all Mistresses have different contact methods and vetting processes, so the following post specifically applies to contacting me rather than being a general guide, but you may find it a useful insight whether it’s me you’re considering applying to or somebody else entirely.

Mode of contact:

If your chosen Mistress states that she only sees people who have filled out her session contact form successfully, that will generally be a good place to start. I have a form on my website which will give me all the information I initially require from you in order to decide whether to take a discussion further; useful stuff like your experience and what you’re into, your health status, your availability and of course what you’re hoping for if you attend a session with me. It’s amazing how many people send a one-word or single sentence email as their introduction: “hey!”, “r u free now 07714 56****” or “how much 4 half hr wiv hj” – needless to say, these don’t get a response. I also don’t discuss private session details on social media, and asking me to do so there just shows that you haven’t actually bothered to read my bio, which gives the appropriate details for contacting me. In a nutshell, using any method to try to arrange meeting me other than the method I have specifically asked you to use will mean you have already failed your first test. A Mistress will probably state if she prefers email, phone call or text message, and you should contact her according to her preferred method. 

Filling out my session contact form:

Once you get as far as filling out the session contact form, please make sure you fill it out as fully as you can, but without giving me a lot of unnecessary detail. I don’t particularly need to know your educational level, your penis girth, the name of every other Dominatrix you’ve ever met or whether you’re really, really goodlooking. What I do want to know is:

1. Whether you’ve had sessions before or are brand new to the scene – either is fine, it’s just handy to know where you’re coming from in terms of experience.

2. Whether you’ve got any health issues I need to be aware of  – again, I’m not going to say no to seeing you if you have a health problem, but I do need to be aware if you are likely to have fresh stitches which are going to burst open when I trample you (yep – that happened!), have diabetes, are prone to panic attacks when confined, or may have access issues when you visit me.

3. What you’re into and what you hope to experience. I’m not talking about a full script for a 1-hour session here, but enough detail for me to decide whether our interests match up. I give a handy checklist of possible session pursuits, plus a box where you can enter your own, plus a box entitled “ideal session” where you can tell me what you have in your mind’s eye when you think about having a domination session with me. Here are a couple of examples of the kinds of responses I get:

Age: 18-25

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: None – I am a beginner.

Health: Yes – I am in good health and have no medical conditions

I have no medical conditions relevant to my participation in a BDSM session.


other activity? None

Ideal session
kicked until my balls pop

how will you make sure I am actually castrated by the end

This doesn’t tell me much, apart from the fact you are young and inexperienced and have not thought past the fantasy of your fetish yet. Either that or you are serious and you need help from somebody with qualifications other than mine! It’s an example of an application which won’t be replied to, as you’re unlikely to actually come along to a session (plus, I know for a FACT I’m not going to fulfil that particular fantasy for you as I don’t fancy the cleanup afterwards!)

Age: 36-55

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: I have had lots of sessions and know what to expect.

Health: No – I have medical conditions as listed below:

Weak left knee which makes kneeling for long periods impossible.

Spanking & CP

other activity? Corner time and lines

Ideal session
A CP roleplay where I am a wayward employee who is brought into line with a reprimand and spanking from my strict executive boss. I find I can take a good level of caning (36-48 strokes or more at your discretion, I am happy for you to leave your mark) if I’m thoroughly warmed up first either over the knee or bent over my boss’s desk to receive a hand spanking and paddling.

Do you still have your smoked dragon cane with the purple handle? I’d love to experience it if so.

…This type of application is great, as I have a good idea of what you’re hoping for right away, without having to coax it out of you over a series of emails, which could take weeks (and which unfortunately I don’t have time to do.) If what you’ve described sounds like fun and fits within my limits, you’ll be sure to get a reply.

What you’re asking me for:

When you request your session, please make sure you’ve read all my session dos and don’ts in advance – there is no point wasting anyone’s time by asking me to do something I’ve already stated I don’t do. One thing I get asked for over and over is smoking sessions despite me clearly saying on my website (which you should’ve read in full before contacting me) that I never do it. I’m not just going to wake up one morning and think “fuck the asthma, I’ll do this chain smoking human ashtray session for this chap as he seems so nice and also he’s told me he’s really really goodlooking with a large penis too.” Requests like this just show me that you’re not interested in seeing me and that you couldn’t be bothered to read my website (see my blog about why this matters here).

If you’ve scoured my website from end to end, and you can find no mention of your fetish anywhere, either in the dos or don’ts, and you think it’s something you can respectfully ask me to consider and fits within the kind of boundaries of what you do know I find acceptable, then by all means contact me and do so. I can’t possibly write an exhaustive list of everything I am happy to do (I may not have even come across your particular fetish before!) and as long as you ask politely I will respond similarly, even if it’s just to say no thank you.

And finally… A Mistress likes to feel special!

Some of you will no doubt be amazed to find out that Mistresses can generally smell a cut ‘n’ paste session request at 50 paces… Whether it’s because you’ve forgotten to amend the “Dear Miss Jessica” on the top of the email you’ve sent to me, or because you’ve tried to save on e-postage and cyberglue by CCing us all in on the same generic “Heeeeyyy Godess” email. Next time try using BCC, it might help. Slightly. Maybe.

4 thoughts on “Session etiquette part 1 – First Contact”

  1. A fantastic post Mistress Nikki Whiplash, and excellent advice. It is unfortunate that as happens so often in the BDSM world a minority of ‘so called subs’ give genuine submissives a bad reputation.

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