slave etiquette – Mistress Nikki Whiplash

Deposits/booking payments

As anyone who has ever visited me, contacted me about a possible visit, or read through my sessions website thoroughly will know, I always ask for an advance payment to be made before I will book you into my session diary. When you make this payment it tells me a couple of things:

You have a genuine intention to visit me and are not simply fantasising about it and wasting my time (or, if you are, you’re paying me something for my time participating in your fantasy email chain, which means I don’t mind!)
You trust me enough to part with a reasonable amount of money in advance of our meeting. This is really very important to me as, if you cannot trust me with your £100, what on Earth are you doing trusting me with your balls, or arse, or nipples?!

For first time visitors (who haven’t previously blotted their copybook – I’ll come back to those chaps later) the requested payment is usually somewhere between 25-50% of the total tribute for the session duration you are requesting. It probably goes without saying (but occasionally there seems to be some confusion, so I’m saying it again anyway!) that I retain this payment in the event of you cancelling/rescheduling your session at short notice, or simply not showing up at the agreed time. Much to the vexation of some, I am a professional Dominatrix and am running a business, therefore somebody who has booked to spend an afternoon with me and then doesn’t show up not only puts a dent in my income but also clogs up a significant amount of my (rather limited) session time for that week, which I could have spent seeing somebody else. “Why don’t you just take a last minute booking when someone cancels on you”, I hear you cry! Possibly this would be an option if I was based in a major city, but – weirdly – we don’t get much passing Femdom kinkster footfall in rural Hampshire. Most of my regular subs hail from great distances and have to make a big effort to visit and serve (thank you!) and can’t just be here in five minutes, at a moment’s notice. Given that most people would need to book a day off work in order to make their pilgrimage, at least a week’s notice is usually needed for me to be able to book somebody else in to visit me in a cancelled spot. Not to mention the effort/time I would need to spend actively trying to fill the spot. This means that usually they go unfilled.

If you have blotted your copybook with a previous cancellation or no-show, you will find that I am usually completely happy to reschedule, but that I request that you pay the full session tribute in advance – before I will agree to book you back into my diary. As before, this payment is non-refundable in the event of you failing to show up for your session or cancelling at short notice. That’s right – the ante has been upped! This, again, is for a couple of reasons:

I know you told me that you had a really good reason for cancelling last time, and you couldn’t possibly have made it to see me (or, maybe even emailed to let me know) under the circumstances, but there is a small chance that your cancellation or no-show was for one of the slightly more common reasons (e.g. a “what the fuck am I doing?! She’s clearly involved in a dark criminal underworld and I’m going to get hurt for real” moment; or the fact that you were so excited on the morning of your scheduled visit that you wanked yourself silly and had to go for a little lie down instead; or you never intended to go through with it in the first place and just wanted some horny email banter with a Dominatrix) and it’s pretty hard for me to tell the difference between a genuine reason and a made up one. I hear a lot of excuses, some of which I will tell you about in a moment. The fact is, I want to give you as many reasons to go through with your session with me as possible, and if nerves/over-excitement were at the root of your not showing up, I want to get you through it so that you, too, can experience the warm glow of achievement which only comes from being the recipient of a pair of utterly mashed up nipples and a tattered bumhole (I wonder, has that put your mind at rest?)
Trust, again. In both directions. This time mainly just retaining mine… If you genuinely couldn’t make it for a good reason the first time, you will understand that you have inconvenienced me, and that you need to show me that you value my time, proving that you’re a trustworthy person and one that I might want to make an effort to spend time with again in the future.

And now, I’d like to talk about excuses, for those (thankfully few) of you who feel the need to make up corkers… So, let’s say you’re Mr. Nervous and you spent the night before your planned session in a cold sweat, worrying about all the things which could happen to you, or you’re the aforementioned chap with the raw cock who now can’t stomach the idea of putting it into the hands of a cruel Dominatrix after all and is feeling too chilled out and sleepy to make the trip. You ask yourself whether you can just tell me you were too nervous/spent? No, you reason, it doesn’t seem like a good enough excuse for standing me up, I’ll probably think you’re a twat and blacklist you. I might refuse to see you in future, or threaten to expose you on social media, or decide to turn up at your house, cling to the underside of your car as you flee town, then wait for you on a boat you’ve rented and conduct a mock trial to get you to admit the real reason why you didn’t come to see me… Who knows what irritated Dominatrixes are capable of?! So you’d better think up the most heinous tale of death and/or destruction and/or woe that you possibly can because, you think, I will definitely not have heard an excuse that heinous/outlandish before and won’t think for a moment that someone could make up such a dreadful tale… But, trust me, whatever horrible tale you come up with, someone else will already have come up with similar, or way better/worse, depending on your viewpoint. I’ve been given excuses which made me laugh out loud, or made me want to cry for the person who stooped so low as to give me them, and everything in between. I’d very much prefer it if you could just tell me the truth, please (or just don’t give me an excuse at all), as it gets tiresome writing responses such as:

Hi Frank

I’m very sorry to hear that your car was swallowed up by a sink-hole which opened up without warning on the A421 last week. You have my sympathy. Thank you for spending five days clawing your way back to the surface with fractures to every bone in your body in order to let me know why you didn’t turn up for your session on Friday. It’s quite a testament to modern technology that you were able to get perfect 4G signal whilst buried alive and hence were able to continue to tweet me hundreds of times a day about how excited you were to be visiting me in the days leading up to the session you didn’t show up to because you had been swallowed up into the Bowels of the Earth.

It sounds like you’ve made a very speedy recovery (and with not a mark on you despite all of those fractures, I’ll warrant!) and yes we can definitely reschedule for this week instead. Please make the bank transfer of £xxx at your earliest convenience in order to reserve the space in my diary. You will note I have asked you for the full session tribute this time – this is my usual protocol for slaves who are engulfed by sinkholes in the Bedfordshire area and will, of course, be non-refundable in the event of any natural disasters which may impact upon your future visit.

Kind regards

Nikki

I’m exaggerating, right? Well, not much at all actually. If I was to believe all of the cancellation excuses I receive, I would definitely think that visits to my little corner of Hampshire were jinxed in some manner, what with all the crashes, broken limbs, deaths of loved ones and comas they seem to trigger. Gladly, I don’t believe the half of them, and I’ve compared notes with some of my Dominatrix friends who report strikingly similar excuses coming from their guests too.

So, here’s a suggestion for the subs who bottle it or just don’t fancy it on the day: tell the truth! I don’t mind! It happens. If you don’t fancy it, that’s cool, everyone’s drive for kink ebbs and flows and what seemed like a good idea a month ago when you booked might just seem like too much today. If you get so nervous you don’t make it to see me (whether you make it as far as out of bed, to the car, to the end of my road, to my door) and would like to get further next time, tell me the truth and I can probably help. The main thing to know is I won’t be angry at you no matter what, and that’s because you will have at the very least paid me what I deem to be a reasonable tribute to cover my wasted time, or if it’s a repeat issue you will have paid me in full for my time. Or, if you really feel the need to make up an excuse, be creative and lighthearted! Make me want to laugh with you, not cry for you, please.

My few words seem to have morphed into 1700 – oops! Never mind. You get the point. Or you’ve fallen asleep. Anyway, here’s a pretty picture of me made by the sensationally talented artist Ariel Belle. It’s got nothing to do with the subject, but I get more engagements with my blog posts when I post a picture with them 🙂

Don’t forget your toothbrush!

Something which should be quite high on your priorities list when visiting a Dominatrix is your personal hygiene. Dommes are usually impeccably clean and well turned out – unless you’ve specifically negotiated a sweaty post-gym session or perhaps a dirty foot worship session – and I’m sure I’m not the only Domme who finds it a tad insulting to learn that a visiting sub hasn’t returned the courtesy of making sure they are also clean and smell nice.

There is rarely an excuse for you to begin a session in a less-than-perfectly-clean state, given that bathroom and shower facilities are available to all who visit my premises. I appreciate that you might have come straight from a long day at work, or had a long journey, or simply have become a bit hot and sweaty in anticipation en route. If you think, or even suspect, you might not be 100% fresh, it’s better to be sure… You are always welcome to take a quick shower for your peace of mind and my comfort. You most definitely won’t annoy me by keeping me waiting, your conscientiousness will please me, and I allow plenty of time in my schedule for all visitors.

Apart from the usual suspects; feet, armpits and hair, here are a few more femdom-specific tips which might seem like they’re obvious but can sometimes be overlooked in the build up to your visit…

1. Don’t forget your toothbrush…

A lot of sessions I participate in result in heavy breathing, huffing, puffing, and long exhaled screams – and that’s just me! Seriously, though, try to imagine how much of a mood-killer it is for me if, when leaning in close to gaze sensually into my sub’s eyes and whisper encouragement as he suffers for me, with every gasp he exudes (directly into my face at point blank range) I get a whiff of the monster munch he stopped and ate in the layby down the road, or his stale coffee breath, or the pint he had for Dutch courage en route. I shouldn’t be able to tell how much wine my sub drank or what he had for dinner the night before, either. I always have a bottle of mouthwash available in the slave bathroom for you to use, or – even better – you could bring a toothbrush and use it as part of your preparation when you arrive. Minty fresh breath is always the best breath to have if you’re going to be exhaling directly into somebody else’s face and don’t want them to subject you to an impromptu Roman shower.

2. Bottoms up!

If your bottom is going to feature prominently in our time spent together, then you should always take care to ensure it’s in a pleasant state. There are few things guaranteed to kill a spanking role play quite as dead as me having to stop and send you to wash your grotty bottom as soon as you’ve been put across my knee, because you’ve not had a spruce up after visiting the bathroom earlier on in the day. Can you imagine my delight at having a smelly, sweaty bumcrack complete with trouser fluff and a cute little TP “tail” protruding just inches from my face as you assume the position across my knee? Of course you can’t… Because it’s anything but delightful. As a general rule of thumb, if you’re going to bend over for a spanking, you should be freshly showered – just having a wipe and hoping for the best is most definitely not enough.

I challenge you to make me love your butt!

3. Preparing for a probing.

Similarly, if you’re coming for a strap-on session or performing any kind of anal acrobatics for me, you will need to prepare in advance for both our sakes (there are plenty of very good resources online for you to refer to if you are inexperienced, try this helpful illustrated guide for starters, and if you’re still not sure then Google is definitely your friend). Of course, there are very few easy ways of ensuring there’s nothing up there, but if you’ve made the efforts you should have made in advance (and possibly again when you arrive) then this should be minimal, if anything at all, and should not pose a problem to either of us. If, however, you haven’t made much (if any) effort to be ready for large rubber items to be pushed repeatedly in and out of your colon, it’s likely to end in a short-lived, messy, embarrassing and possibly very uncomfortable/painful experience for you, and an utterly unpleasant experience for me. Please, please prepare so we can both enjoy it as we should. It’s disappointing and a tad insulting for me – and presumably cringe-making for you – to find that your bottom is a no-go zone because you simply haven’t bothered to make the effort you should have done for me, and yourself. Don’t expect the colon fairy to magic your bottom clean for you. It takes effort.

Newsflash… You’re not that fabulous, sadly…

4. CBT should be torture for you, not me…

Along much the same lines as the above advice for bottom-related activities, it probably goes without saying that if you are going to ask somebody – anybody – to have close contact with your genitalia, you should have washed carefully immediately before such contact is due to take place! Indeed, I have very few gripes with my visitors as far as this area is concerned, but the very occasional new guest does seem to have missed the memo. To clarify, everything should be freshly and carefully showered, with particular care taken to wash every surface very thoroughly (translation: check carefully beneath your foreskin if you are the proud owner of one!) before you place your penis into the hands of a Dominatrix. It’s never nice for a sub when Mistress retches and quickly opts to put the peg on her nose instead of his manservant before reaching for the Dettol wipes and giving a lecture on intimate hygiene.

Let’s make sure those pegs end up in the right place…

5. To shave or not to shave…?

Additionally, whilst not a hygiene issue as such, you may find that certain Mistresses have rules or preferences as to pubic or other bodily hair. Some have a blanket ban. My personal preference is indeed for a freshly trimmed/shaved/waxed/otherwise de-fuzzed cock and ball area, but I do understand that personal circumstances or preferences may mean this is tricky or impossible, so I don’t enforce an outright Pube Ban. I find smooth cocks and balls are preferable for many kinds of CBT as, among other things, electrodes and clamps tend to attach better, cleaning up waxes and lubes after use is easier, and suction equipment tends to form a better airtight seal on bare flesh. Some of my visitors see understanding professionals in advance (I highly recommend Wicked Waxing for your intimate waxing needs) to have themselves fully waxed as part of their pre-session build up, and enjoy the sense of anticipation and servitude this gives them.

Me getting an intimate waxing lesson from Wicked Waxing… Think I’ll leave it to the professionals!

…And that concludes today’s sermon! The moral of the story… If in doubt, wash it! And if you’re not in doubt, wash it anyway!

Festive Fun at Whiplash Towers

Christmas Party – no proper chairs required!

It’s been a really fun couple of weeks at Whiplash Towers in the run up to Christmas; lots of my Mistress friends have been visiting and we’ve been very spoiled by our subs, sluts, slaves and sissies.

One highlight for me was our little kinky Christmas bash on Wednesday, when Cate and Araneae joined me and Chloe to have some femdom-related hijinks with a selection of impeccably-behaved boys. The dungeon was festooned with festively-attired pain sluts, leather gimps, heavily shackled drinks waiters, human footstools, muscle-bound male pole dancers, Christmassy testicle-elves and story-telling men in skirts as us ladies indulged in prosecco and nibbles, and of course satisfied our sadistic and cruel desires.

We played all the traditional femdom Christmas party games like Dildo Bobbing, Elf Whipping, Ballbusting Santa and participating in our own femdom version of the Mannequin Challenge. Mince pies were had by all (some with a special topping!)

They say a picture paints a thousand words so to save myself any more typing, here are a selection of our party snaps and our Mannequin Challenge video.

No femdom party would be complete without a good clean game of dildo bobbing!

BBB does his best for Chloe, but those shackles got the better of him!

Such technique! Nadders does Cate proud!

…And here’s our Mannequin Challenge video:

Lastly, Merry Christmas everyone, and thank you once again to everybody who has lavished me with gifts this Christmas – you know who you are – I feel very spoiled and special indeed!

Are You Lifestyle?

…It’s a question I imagine most Professional Dommes are asked as regularly as I am. Which, in case you’re wondering, is at least every few days. At first glance it looks like a reasonable question; you’re interested in a Dominatrix but you want to know whether she’s really into it, or whether she’s just playing a role to make money.

What answer do you hope for? That I am indeed lifestyle, I bathe exclusively in the tears of my captive minions, never lift a finger in my daily life, am served by an army of dedicated servants who would never dare lift their (tearful) eyes to make contact with mine and spend all my time leather- or latex-clad in towering stiletto heels? That I operate an open house to any slave who prostrates himself at my feet and offers himself into my ownership, regardless of whether he’s actually of any worth to me?

Or perhaps you (a stranger to me) want to know all about the inner workings of my private life? Perhaps there’s an overbearing Alpha Male behind the scenes controlling proceedings? Or maybe I have a filthy rich yet minutely endowed and severely cuckolded husband locked away in the attic? Perhaps when I finish my last session of the day I slip off my Louboutins and go back to my dull vanilla housewife existence, or perhaps I keep the Louboutins on and head out to drink ridiculously expensive champagne I’m not paying for with my crazy Dominatrix girlfriends, leaving a trail of frustrated and used males in our wake.

Do I ever have “normal” sex? Am I lesbian? Do I have a husband? How much do I earn per year? Do I work another job too? How much did my house cost? Do I own or rent my dungeon? How do I keep my [presumably shameful] job secret from my family? These are just a few of the incredibly rude and utterly inappropriate questions I have been asked either over email or social media by total strangers or by somebody I have just met in person for the first time. I wonder whether you’d ask your accountant these same types of question and then attempt to call them out when they won’t do your books for free on their weekend off? “You’re not a true accountant! You’re just doing my tax return to make money from me, you mercenary bastard!”

But I digress. Back to my main point – the Lifestyle question. In my experience, more often than not it tends to be asked by people who don’t like the idea of paying a Professional Dominatrix for her time. The presumed assumption being that if I’m lifestyle, I should want to dominate any person who expresses an interest in me for free, on their terms. If I want paying, well, I’m just not lifestyle and the Pro Domme shaming begins! I’ve lost count of the number of times a supposedly “devoted long-time worthless worm admirer” has tried to shame me when I have raised the spectre of him having to actually give something back to me in return for my time spent fulfilling his every fantasy. If I was truly Lifestyle, it would all be for free, right?

the human footstool – every Lifestyle home should have one

So I’d like to put this to bed once and for all: am I Lifestyle? Yes I am. And that means that I choose precisely what I do, when, with whom and for what transaction. Some days I do have a man in a frilly maid’s dress do the cleaning for me, sometimes I do it myself. Sometimes I spend the weekend with a prisoner locked in my cellar whom I occasionally tease and torment before once more abandoning him in the darkness, sometimes I don’t. Either way, nobody is entitled to my time and expertise for free, just because they identify as a submissive.

Session etiquette part II – first contact to first visit

So, you’ve had a reply to your initial request. What now? Well, there’ll be various things to sort out at this point, such as paying a deposit (I’ve blogged about this before, here) and discussing the final details of your session.

I usually find that if somebody is genuinely planning to visit me, we’ll get to a point where they have made their booking payment and we are all set within about 4-5 emails in each direction. If you do get a positive reply to your initial request then you’ve made a good first impression, but that can be ruined pretty easily if you suddenly change your requests, don’t follow clear instructions, or become too demanding.

wl1256-g-001 I don’t check my emails that regularly – some days I don’t get a chance to look at all, or just get time to skim through senders and subject lines to see if there’s anything urgent. What’s pretty irritating when I do get time to sit at my desk and clear my inbox – with a cuppa and a human footrest, naturally – is seeing a whole heap of emails from the same person, sent in quick succession, expecting an immediate answer from me 24/7 regarding their potential one hour session in six weeks’ time. For example:

From: Nikki
Sent: 23 July 2016 15:58
To: Slave Persistent
Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi There

Yes, that sounds good to me. Let me know if you prefer to visit at 1pm or 3pm on that date.

Kind regards

Nikki

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 21:45
To: Nikki
Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi Miss

3pm please. Is it OK for me to bring my pink frilly maid’s outfit with me, please?

Sissy Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 21:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi Miss

Why haven’t you replied to my email?

Sissy Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 22:34
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Miss

Have I upset you somehow?

Slave Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 23:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

??????

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 26 July 2016 05:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

You still haven’t answered my email and it’s been ages since I last heard from you. Are we still on for my visit in 6 weeks from now??????????? I will have to cancel if I don’t hear back from you soon.

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 26 July 2016 06:31
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Don’t worry about it, I’ll find another Mistress who is more interested in keeping her slaves happy as you clearly aren’t. You’ve missed out, I would have been the best slave you ever had, I was ready to give up everything in order to serve you. I am the most considerate and least selfish slave you could ever hope to have had serve you. You blew it big time and you will regret it, trust me! I’ll be spending all my money and time on Mistress ****** in future, she’s a far better Dominatrix than you anyway and much younger and prettier not to mention the fact that she charges £10 per hour less. I never wanted to see you anyway.

…As you can imagine, these types of emails leave me inconsolable.

A good example of not following instructions is how some people behave when they’re given my phone number. You will be given it once you have made a booking payment, in case you need it on the day of the session. You aren’t given it so that you can immediately (even if it’s past midnight – Dominatrixes are nocturnal satan worshippers anyway, right?) bombard me with text messages or whatsapps which you’ve probably typed sat on the loo with your cock in your hand, a month or more in advance of your 1 hour session with me. There is also no need to text me at 05:36 each and every morning just to say good morning and (presumably) try to earn sub points by demonstrating what a clever boy you are for waking up earlier than any of my other subs. You didn’t anyway, the others all texted me at 05:35. It’s all pretty harmless as the phone is permanently kept on silent and left in the dungeon anyway, but it does blot your copybook somewhat when I do get round to looking at it.

If I reply in the positive about your session request but state that I can’t make the exact dates and times you listed, it’s probably better not to email me back to say you’ve found a younger/slimmer/prettier/cleverer dominatrix who isn’t such a cow and CAN fit in with your schedule. Especially not if you plan to contact me again in the future about that session you wanted with me and actually expect a reply. Likewise, if I reply that most of what you requested is fine by me but there is something on your list which I won’t do, it’s better not to tell me that Mistress ****** does it and I should too or you will visit her instead of me. Different Mistresses have different limits, and we’re highly unlikely to change them because you said we should or threatened to go elsewhere to be “submissive” if we don’t agree to dominate you how you want.

Here’s an interesting phenomenon: some guys think their particular kink is tamer/easier/nicer for the Mistress to cater for than others, and therefore that she shouldn’t charge her usual rate for her time when performing their session. “Why so much just for ******?” I hear you cry! (****** in this case can be anything from foot worship, spanking or sploshing someone with a caterer’s size vat of baked beans, to sissy maid training or keeping someone incarcerated in my cell for 72 hours!) The answer is pretty simple – whatever your fantasy, I will be giving up my time to fulfil it for you. Also, please don’t be judgemental about other people’s fetishes – thankfully everyone is different and no fetish is worse/better than any other.

Following on from this, attempts to negotiate over session tributes are also a sure fire way to put me off wanting you to visit me. If you want to come to see me – to show your submission and express your admiration – you’re going to need to show me that you think my time is worth what I think my time is worth and not less. I never ever haggle, and see attempts to do so as a sign that you are not somebody I will want in my presence. If you can’t afford a session with me at the moment that’s fine, you can tell me so politely and I will not take offence in any way.

It’s also worth noting that I discuss sessions in an open and matter of fact way, but I will not be drawn into role-play over email – you’re not going to be talked dirty to, or given an erotic blow-by-blow account of what I’m going to do to you. Neither should you want or expect this – firstly, the session won’t be as much fun if you know exactly what’s going to happen, and secondly you should recognise that up until a point where my time is being paid for by you, I shouldn’t be expected to “play” with you. If you want an idea of the types of things I do and my demeanour, you can watch any of the thousands of videos of me in action on either my own or other femdom websites which I feature on.

If you can discuss our forthcoming session sensibly and sanely, can follow simple instructions as to paying a deposit and turning up for your session, then we should get to the point where everything is organised and we are looking forward to meeting pretty quickly and easily. Please always remember that the main thing here is that we ENJOY ourselves, femdom is meant to be fulfilling and fun for both sides, and my theory is that if we can’t get through the process of organising a meeting pretty painlessly then we shouldn’t meet at all.

Session etiquette part 1 – First Contact

dildo-shoe-worship22 — Picture Courtesy of TheEnglishMansion.com

When contacting a Mistress, it’s important that you can let her know that you’re the kind of guy she is going to be happy spending a couple of hours of her life in a small dimly-lit room with. I’m aware that all Mistresses have different contact methods and vetting processes, so the following post specifically applies to contacting me rather than being a general guide, but you may find it a useful insight whether it’s me you’re considering applying to or somebody else entirely.

Mode of contact:

If your chosen Mistress states that she only sees people who have filled out her session contact form successfully, that will generally be a good place to start. I have a form on my website which will give me all the information I initially require from you in order to decide whether to take a discussion further; useful stuff like your experience and what you’re into, your health status, your availability and of course what you’re hoping for if you attend a session with me. It’s amazing how many people send a one-word or single sentence email as their introduction: “hey!”, “r u free now 07714 56****” or “how much 4 half hr wiv hj” – needless to say, these don’t get a response. I also don’t discuss private session details on social media, and asking me to do so there just shows that you haven’t actually bothered to read my bio, which gives the appropriate details for contacting me. In a nutshell, using any method to try to arrange meeting me other than the method I have specifically asked you to use will mean you have already failed your first test. A Mistress will probably state if she prefers email, phone call or text message, and you should contact her according to her preferred method.

Filling out my session contact form:

Once you get as far as filling out the session contact form, please make sure you fill it out as fully as you can, but without giving me a lot of unnecessary detail. I don’t particularly need to know your educational level, your penis girth, the name of every other Dominatrix you’ve ever met or whether you’re really, really goodlooking. What I do want to know is:

1. Whether you’ve had sessions before or are brand new to the scene – either is fine, it’s just handy to know where you’re coming from in terms of experience.

2. Whether you’ve got any health issues I need to be aware of – again, I’m not going to say no to seeing you if you have a health problem, but I do need to be aware if you are likely to have fresh stitches which are going to burst open when I trample you (yep – that happened!), have diabetes, are prone to panic attacks when confined, or may have access issues when you visit me.

3. What you’re into and what you hope to experience. I’m not talking about a full script for a 1-hour session here, but enough detail for me to decide whether our interests match up. I give a handy checklist of possible session pursuits, plus a box where you can enter your own, plus a box entitled “ideal session” where you can tell me what you have in your mind’s eye when you think about having a domination session with me. Here are a couple of examples of the kinds of responses I get:

Age: 18-25

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: None – I am a beginner.

Health: Yes – I am in good health and have no medical conditions

Medical
I have no medical conditions relevant to my participation in a BDSM session.

Activities
Ballbusting

other activity? None

Ideal session
kicked until my balls pop

Question
how will you make sure I am actually castrated by the end

This doesn’t tell me much, apart from the fact you are young and inexperienced and have not thought past the fantasy of your fetish yet. Either that or you are serious and you need help from somebody with qualifications other than mine! It’s an example of an application which won’t be replied to, as you’re unlikely to actually come along to a session (plus, I know for a FACT I’m not going to fulfil that particular fantasy for you as I don’t fancy the cleanup afterwards!)

Age: 36-55

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: I have had lots of sessions and know what to expect.

Health: No – I have medical conditions as listed below:

Medical
Weak left knee which makes kneeling for long periods impossible.

Activities
Spanking & CP

other activity? Corner time and lines

Ideal session
A CP roleplay where I am a wayward employee who is brought into line with a reprimand and spanking from my strict executive boss. I find I can take a good level of caning (36-48 strokes or more at your discretion, I am happy for you to leave your mark) if I’m thoroughly warmed up first either over the knee or bent over my boss’s desk to receive a hand spanking and paddling.

Question
Do you still have your smoked dragon cane with the purple handle? I’d love to experience it if so.

…This type of application is great, as I have a good idea of what you’re hoping for right away, without having to coax it out of you over a series of emails, which could take weeks (and which unfortunately I don’t have time to do.) If what you’ve described sounds like fun and fits within my limits, you’ll be sure to get a reply.

What you’re asking me for:

When you request your session, please make sure you’ve read all my session dos and don’ts in advance – there is no point wasting anyone’s time by asking me to do something I’ve already stated I don’t do. One thing I get asked for over and over is smoking sessions despite me clearly saying on my website (which you should’ve read in full before contacting me) that I never do it. I’m not just going to wake up one morning and think “fuck the asthma, I’ll do this chain smoking human ashtray session for this chap as he seems so nice and also he’s told me he’s really really goodlooking with a large penis too.” Requests like this just show me that you’re not interested in seeing me and that you couldn’t be bothered to read my website (see my blog about why this matters here).

If you’ve scoured my website from end to end, and you can find no mention of your fetish anywhere, either in the dos or don’ts, and you think it’s something you can respectfully ask me to consider and fits within the kind of boundaries of what you do know I find acceptable, then by all means contact me and do so. I can’t possibly write an exhaustive list of everything I am happy to do (I may not have even come across your particular fetish before!) and as long as you ask politely I will respond similarly, even if it’s just to say no thank you.

And finally… A Mistress likes to feel special!

Some of you will no doubt be amazed to find out that Mistresses can generally smell a cut ‘n’ paste session request at 50 paces… Whether it’s because you’ve forgotten to amend the “Dear Miss Jessica” on the top of the email you’ve sent to me, or because you’ve tried to save on e-postage and cyberglue by CCing us all in on the same generic “Heeeeyyy Godess” email. Next time try using BCC, it might help. Slightly. Maybe.

A word on advance payments

It’s very rare these days that anyone questions the need to make a deposit for booking a session with me. It’s pretty much become the norm when visiting a Dominatrix, at least in the UK. But recently, a prospective visitor asked me “what if you disappear with my money?”

Firstly, let’s look at why I ask for a booking payment…
Way back in about the year 2000 when I set out on my path as a pro Domme, I didn’t take deposits on session bookings. This practice lasted all of about 2 weeks, when I found that only around 30% of the people in my diary actually showed up for their sessions. At that time I was hiring premises by the hour and I had to pay for them whether or not my sub showed up. Added to that, the closest place I used was an hour’s drive away, so it became pretty disheartening pretty quickly and I started to question my decision to go pro.

One day after yet another no-show, one of the people whose place I hired made a novel suggestion: why not ask for a deposit? It would cover both the room hire and my petrol. I scoffed at the idea: who would pay £50 in advance to a total stranger?! But it was that or quit almost before I’d begun, so I began asking for a deposit. To my joy and surprise, most guys were willing to pay it, and my no-show rate went through the floor! Intermingled with those happy subs though, were a small minority who protested at sending a deposit; they either brought my integrity into question or had interesting and diverse reasons for not being able to get to a bank/use paypal/mail an envelope containing a postal order (Postal Orders! Wow, I’ve not seen one of those in years!)

So, being a somewhat naive 21 year old, I accepted quite a few tales of woe as to why it was IMPOSSIBLE or OUTRAGEOUS for somebody to give a deposit to me, and booked them in on the basis of their assurances that they’d definitely, 100%, swear-on-their-life turn up for their sessions. After we’d chatted about them in very great detail of course. And guess what? To the man, they didn’t show up. A pattern was forming. Now, I’m sure the odd person out there has a valid reason for not being able to make a booking payment in advance (they live on Jupiter, perhaps!) but by and large I found that those who didn’t pay a deposit didn’t show, and those who did, did. Or, at the very least, had covered all my costs and not left me out of pocket.

These days, the second anybody can’t or won’t pay my requested booking fee, all discussion is over; they won’t be somebody I will consider meeting. Even after paying it, the odd sub here and there still doesn’t show up. For the most part, there are good reasons for this (even if the reason is that he stopped in a layby down the road and was “overcome” with excitement about his imminent trampling, or was just unable to get out of the house that morning due to the thought of finally fulfilling his long-held fantasy of being used as human furniture) and even if there aren’t, and he just didn’t feel like it and hasn’t informed me, I don’t mind because I’ve been paid for the minor inconvenience. Hey, I even have a few guys who book repeatedly and never show up, and that’s cool too (by the way, after the first no-show, you pay me the full session fee in full, and you can fail to show up as many times in a row as you like! Please feel free to book in every week if this is your bag!)

Now, let’s look at the likelihood of me disappearing with your money…

Word would have gotten around pretty quickly if I was that type of person. We’ve all heard tales of ladies who do it, but I’ve personally never met one. It’s bad for business. It’s clear to see just from the number of hair styles I’ve had and the retro outfits in some of my older clips that I’ve been around a while, even if you’ve only recently heard of me. Plus, anyway, why would I bother nicking £50 off you when I stand to get 4 times that if I see you for your 1 hour session? I earn far more by being legitimate than I could ever hope to make by being shady, if I was that way inclined. But, quite apart from the moral factors, it seems like a hard and short-lived way to make a buck to me!

Now let’s look at the logic from your perspective, which I actually think is the most important point of all…

You’ve just contacted a Dominatrix, a person you have never met before, and you fully intend to show up at a session where she is going to:

kick you full force in the nuts, or…
fuck you in the arse for the first time, or…
trample you whilst wearing razor-sharp heels, or…
pierce your nipples with needles, or…
perform some other potentially harmful act upon your body.

…Yet you don’t trust her not to run off with your £50?! I think, if that’s the case, you probably have your priorities wrong. A lot more than £50 is at stake when you organise a session with a Dominatrix, and you should do your research and make an informed decision to request a session only with somebody you feel you can trust with both your money and your life.

Thanks for reading!

Film slave volunteers

The purpose of this blog is to hopefully save some of you who are reading it from volunteering to take part in filming with me, only to be told that you need to meet me first – usually by visiting me for private sessions or occasionally by attending specially arranged ‘new slave’ filming days where the attendees make a financial contribution towards the production costs.

I’m approached several times each week by people I don’t know volunteering their services, and whilst I do really appreciate the gesture, unfortunately I decline these offers – as mentioned clearly on my FAQ page. I have learnt through many years of experience that I prefer to shoot clips with people I already know, because of the vastly varying results of filming with people I’ve never met before.

Whilst I’ve obviously had times when filming with people who are new to me has been fun and rewarding, the negative experiences range from the simple no-show to the paralytic drunk, and in between there have been various stages of unsuitability, crossed wires and lack of rapport. When I film with somebody I have already played with on a number of occasions we both know the score, can bounce off each other and can usually produce content which is fun for both of us to participate in. That in itself is reason enough to only shoot with my own subs but added to that, I also believe that after they’ve invested their time and money to serve me, it’s the least I can do to give them preference for filming if they wish to participate.

I fully appreciate and understand that not everybody can afford the luxury of private sessions, or perhaps are only into filmed scenes, but happily for me I’m in a situation where I have plenty of subs who have expressed an interest in taking part in filming and don’t need to cast my net any further at the moment. My subs have a multitude of specialities which cover all the areas I’m particularly into, so unless you have an ass like a wizard’s sleeve which I can pull solid gold coins out of at will, it’s unlikely your particular skill will make me want to go against years of experience and take a chance on you. Yes – even you, the guy who claims he can self-fellate to the balls 😉

Thanks for reading!

Why I turn down offers of domestic or live-in slavery

This is covered briefly in my FAQ section but I think it’s worth covering in a bit more detail here as it comes up time and time again.
I receive several offers every week from subs whom I have never met and don’t know in the slightest, offering to come and do household chores for me. After all, they feel I am far too busy being dominant and cool to want to do these things myself. I also get regular offers from people, similarly unknown, who claim to want to give up their life and move in with me, to be at my beck and call 24/7 for the rest of their natural lives (which won’t be very long, going by their suggestions that I nourish them exclusively with my bodily waste!)

Both of these offers and a myriad of similar ones, taken at face value, seem very selfless and giving on the part of the submissive and, perhaps understandably, they feel insulted when they receive my polite refusal of their kind offer, or the response that I will be happy for them to serve me, provided they pay me my usual tribute for my time. This is probably why many of them respond to my refusal with a torrent of insults about how I’m not a proper Dominatrix anyway, I’m just a mercenary, I’m shallow and cruel (a cruel Dominatrix – quelle surprise!) etc., etc. However, when you look at these offers in a more objective way, perhaps my viewpoint will become more clear…

Domestic servitude:

1. I have never met you, and you want me to give up a day of my very limited free time in order to supervise you cleaning or otherwise working “for me”. By the way, you’d like me to be wearing head-to-toe rubber and 6-inch heels, wielding a whip and regularly punishing you when you spill things, break stuff, or just don’t carry out the work to my specifications. You also don’t want to work too hard or for too long, as it’s your day off work after all, and everyone needs some R&R time.

2. Whilst this is going on, I will not be able to session with others (i.e. earn money to pay for things like my premises and the aforementioned full rubber outfit) because you’re probably shy and don’t want to be seen by others, and even if YOU aren’t shy, my other visitors probably don’t want a chap in a pink satin dress and heels stumbling noisily around with a vacuum cleaner like an extra from a Queen video as they try to open up to me about their deepest, darkest femdom fantasies.

3. At the end of your time spent grafting for me at no gain to yourself (we’ll gloss over the part where you initially emailed me saying how serving me in that capacity would make all of your dreams come true), you think it’s only fair if I return your gift of time by giving you a free session. After all, I can’t really think that I’ve given you enough of my time already by supervising you all day, can I? It’s been YOU doing ME the favour, after all. Even if we overlook the fact you’d have already spent several hours under my supervision, if you consider how much I’d pay a professional for that duration of work, I won’t be owing you very much time at all. In fact I could take on a full time skilled and competent cleaner for the price of a couple of hours of session time with me (and I hopefully wouldn’t have to wear that pesky rubber outfit whilst they dusted my ornaments!)

4. You’re not insured like a professional cleaner/tradesman would be, so when you spill bleach on my carpet, paint the dog pink, flood the kitchen, cover every imaginable surface including plug sockets with a fine layer of caustic soda for no apparent reason, get over excited and spunk in the laundry basket or perhaps cause the toilet to overflow because you thought it’d be nice to put not one but five foaming disinfectant flush blocks in it (all these things and more have happened back in my foolish youth when I thought sissy maids and subbies could be left unattended) it’s me who has to rectify the situation. This is not to say that some of you aren’t or wouldn’t be excellent cleaners/workers, but the fact remains that if I’ve never met you and you have no intention of investing some time and money visiting me for sessions and gaining my trust then unfortunately I have no intention of investing anything in you either.

24/7 Live-in slaves:

1. First of all, I wonder whether you have considered just how odd it is that you should offer to give up your whole life and identity to relocate and become the slave of a woman you’ve never met and really only seen in a few videos (if you’ve even bothered to research me THAT fully), but I guess you have considered everything fully, because you declare in your (decidedly impersonal, cut-and-paste-looking) initial email that you LOVE ME ETERNALLY. Even though we’ve never met, and you have to pause briefly at the end of your grovelling email to ask me what nationality I am and which country you will need to travel to in order to fulfil your lifelong dream of serving me and only me.

2. You want me to keep you captive in my cell/shed/attic/cupboard under the stairs/cage at the end of my bed, with supervised toilet breaks, daily whippings, hour upon hour of supervised chores (me in that rubber outfit again, no doubt!) as, after all, you’re “a pathetic worm of no value whatsoever”, apart from seemingly all of my time, energy and dedication. It’s going to be just lovely having a snoring, farting, unknown man caged at the foot of my bed every night until he dies of scurvy, I can tell you! You won’t cramp my style at all. I’m such a lucky girl!

3. You are quick to point out that you won’t be paying me for the privilege of gracing me with your company forever, as I should want to do this (with a complete stranger) at no charge if I am a “proper lifestyle Dom”, and should appreciate your offer for the selfless and genuine one it is. If I bring up such subjects as the cost of board and lodgings nowadays, payment for my time, or the fact I’m just not sure I want a complete stranger to move into my home and share my whole life, I will be called out as the ungrateful money-grabbing charlatan that I am. It will be “my loss” and you’re going to tell everyone what a phoney “instadomme” I am unless I reconsider immediately.

4. Obviously very few, if any, people actually WANT to be a 24/7 live-in slave in its true sense – particularly to someone they’ve never even met – and I should imagine a similar number of people actually want to be 24/7 Dom/Domme to somebody, as it must be very draining both physically and emotionally – it’s certainly not my thing as I like to get out of that rubber catsuit and put down my whip sometimes. As soon as you write to a Domme offering this, you should probably be prepared that your offer will be treated with scorn, distaste, or in my case just the indifference I feel it deserves. As far as I’m concerned, if you make the offer in the first place then by default you’re not serious, as I make my feelings about such things clear on my website. Therefore there’s no need to even make the offer in the first place, if you’re as devoted and diligent as you claim to be, as you’d already know you’re not the sub for me, as much as you yearn to be.

To conclude, I’m very happy with my little crew of devotees who serve me personally to different degrees which fit in with both their lives and mine. They’ve all earned their positions of trust by various means over time, and I’m sure the main reason they have evolved the wish to serve me in a personal capacity as well as in session is because I have also earned a position of trust with them over the time we have known each other. I simply don’t have the time, energy or inclination to take a chance on giving an unknown this kind of privilege. The fact I don’t want you to come and serve me in this capacity is by no means a slur on your character – after all, we’ve never met – it’s just a reflection of the fact that I’m a very busy person and choose to spend what time I do have in other ways.

What happened to the last person who didn’t read my FAQ before contacting me!

Really though, if you’d like me to take you seriously when you contact me about organising a session – and if you are hoping for a reply at all – please do make sure you read through my session information and FAQ’s page before hastily firing off that contact form. Currently well over 50% of people who contact me ask questions which are clearly answered on this site already. I will only consider seeing people who can show they are genuine and serious about wanting to visit, and you simply don’t come across that way if it’s obvious you haven’t bothered to read through my site.

If you’ve contacted me asking about a session recently, haven’t had a reply and are wondering why, it might be a good time to take a look at that sessions page! I’ll gladly give up my time replying to your messages IF you demonstrate you’ve spent some of your time reading my site fully. Otherwise, unfortunately, we won’t be meeting any time soon.