Category: sessions

So, you’ve had a reply to your initial request. What now? Well, there’ll be various things to sort out at this point, such as paying a deposit (I’ve blogged about this before, here) and discussing the final details of your session.

I usually find that if somebody is genuinely planning to visit me, we’ll get to a point where they have made their booking payment and we are all set within about 4-5 emails in each direction. If you do get a positive reply to your initial request then you’ve made a good first impression, but that can be ruined pretty easily if you suddenly change your requests, don’t follow clear instructions, or become too demanding.

I don’t check my emails that regularly – some days I don’t get a chance to look at all, or just get time to skim through senders and subject lines to see if there’s anything urgent. What’s pretty irritating when I do get time to sit at my desk and clear my inbox – with a cuppa and a human footrest, naturally – is seeing a whole heap of emails from the same person, sent in quick succession, expecting an immediate answer from me 24/7 regarding their potential one hour session in six weeks’ time. For example:

From: Nikki
Sent: 23 July 2016 15:58
To: Slave Persistent
Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi There

Yes, that sounds good to me. Let me know if you prefer to visit at 1pm or 3pm on that date.

Kind regards

Nikki

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 21:45
To: Nikki
Subject: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi Miss

3pm please. Is it OK for me to bring my pink frilly maid’s outfit with me, please?

Sissy Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 21:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Hi Miss

Why haven’t you replied to my email? 

Sissy Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 22:34
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Miss

Have I upset you somehow?

Slave Persistent

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 25 July 2016 23:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

??????

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 26 July 2016 05:56
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

You still haven’t answered my email and it’s been ages since I last heard from you. Are we still on for my visit in 6 weeks from now??????????? I will have to cancel if I don’t hear back from you soon.

———————————————–

From: Slave Persistent
Sent: 26 July 2016 06:31
To: Nikki
Subject: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Fw: Re: Session in six weeks from now

Don’t worry about it, I’ll find another Mistress who is more interested in keeping her slaves happy as you clearly aren’t. You’ve missed out, I would have been the best slave you ever had, I was ready to give up everything in order to serve you. I am the most considerate and least selfish slave you could ever hope to have had serve you. You blew it big time and you will regret it, trust me! I’ll be spending all my money and time on Mistress ****** in future, she’s a far better Dominatrix than you anyway and much younger and prettier not to mention the fact that she charges £10 per hour less. I never wanted to see you anyway.

…As you can imagine, these types of emails leave me inconsolable.

A good example of not following instructions is how some people behave when they’re given my phone number. You will be given it once you have made a booking payment, in case you need it on the day of the session. You aren’t given it so that you can immediately (even if it’s past midnight – Dominatrixes are nocturnal satan worshippers anyway, right?) bombard me with text messages or whatsapps which you’ve probably typed sat on the loo with your cock in your hand, a month or more in advance of your 1 hour session with me. There is also no need to text me at 05:36 each and every morning just to say good morning and (presumably) try to earn sub points by demonstrating what a clever boy you are for waking up earlier than any of my other subs. You didn’t anyway, the others all texted me at 05:35. It’s all pretty harmless as the phone is permanently kept on silent and left in the dungeon anyway, but it does blot your copybook somewhat when I do get round to looking at it.

If I reply in the positive about your session request but state that I can’t make the exact dates and times you listed, it’s probably better not to email me back to say you’ve found a younger/slimmer/prettier/cleverer dominatrix who isn’t such a cow and CAN fit in with your schedule. Especially not if you plan to contact me again in the future about that session you wanted with me and actually expect a reply. Likewise, if I reply that most of what you requested is fine by me but there is something on your list which I won’t do, it’s better not to tell me that Mistress ****** does it and I should too or you will visit her instead of me. Different Mistresses have different limits, and we’re highly unlikely to change them because you said we should or threatened to go elsewhere to be “submissive” if we don’t agree to dominate you how you want.

Here’s an interesting phenomenon: some guys think their particular kink is tamer/easier/nicer for the Mistress to cater for than others, and therefore that she shouldn’t charge her usual rate for her time when performing their session. “Why so much just for ******?” I hear you cry! (****** in this case can be anything from foot worship, spanking or sploshing someone with a caterer’s size vat of baked beans, to sissy maid training or keeping someone incarcerated in my cell for 72 hours!) The answer is pretty simple – whatever your fantasy, I will be giving up my time to fulfil it for you. Also, please don’t be judgemental about other people’s fetishes – thankfully everyone is different and no fetish is worse/better than any other.

Following on from this, attempts to negotiate over session tributes are also a sure fire way to put me off wanting you to visit me. If you want to come to see me – to show your submission and express your admiration – you’re going to need to show me that you think my time is worth what I think my time is worth and not less. I never ever haggle, and see attempts to do so as a sign that you are not somebody I will want in my presence. If you can’t afford a session with me at the moment that’s fine, you can tell me so politely and I will not take offence in any way.

It’s also worth noting that I discuss sessions in an open and matter of fact way, but I will not be drawn into role-play over email – you’re not going to be talked dirty to, or given an erotic blow-by-blow account of what I’m going to do to you. Neither should you want or expect this – firstly, the session won’t be as much fun if you know exactly what’s going to happen, and secondly you should recognise that up until a point where my time is being paid for by you, I shouldn’t be expected to “play” with you. If you want an idea of the types of things I do and my demeanour, you can watch any of the thousands of videos of me in action on either my own or other femdom websites which I feature on.

If you can discuss our forthcoming session sensibly and sanely, can follow simple instructions as to paying a deposit and turning up for your session, then we should get to the point where everything is organised and we are looking forward to meeting pretty quickly and easily. Please always remember that the main thing here is that we ENJOY ourselves, femdom is meant to be fulfilling and fun for both sides, and my theory is that if we can’t get through the process of organising a meeting pretty painlessly then we shouldn’t meet at all.

When contacting a Mistress, it’s important that you can let her know that you’re the kind of guy she is going to be happy spending a couple of hours of her life in a small dimly-lit room with. I’m aware that all Mistresses have different contact methods and vetting processes, so the following post specifically applies to contacting me rather than being a general guide, but you may find it a useful insight whether it’s me you’re considering applying to or somebody else entirely.

Mode of contact:

If your chosen Mistress states that she only sees people who have filled out her session contact form successfully, that will generally be a good place to start. I have a form on my website which will give me all the information I initially require from you in order to decide whether to take a discussion further; useful stuff like your experience and what you’re into, your health status, your availability and of course what you’re hoping for if you attend a session with me. It’s amazing how many people send a one-word or single sentence email as their introduction: “hey!”, “r u free now 07714 56****” or “how much 4 half hr wiv hj” – needless to say, these don’t get a response. I also don’t discuss private session details on social media, and asking me to do so there just shows that you haven’t actually bothered to read my bio, which gives the appropriate details for contacting me. In a nutshell, using any method to try to arrange meeting me other than the method I have specifically asked you to use will mean you have already failed your first test. A Mistress will probably state if she prefers email, phone call or text message, and you should contact her according to her preferred method. 

Filling out my session contact form:

Once you get as far as filling out the session contact form, please make sure you fill it out as fully as you can, but without giving me a lot of unnecessary detail. I don’t particularly need to know your educational level, your penis girth, the name of every other Dominatrix you’ve ever met or whether you’re really, really goodlooking. What I do want to know is:

1. Whether you’ve had sessions before or are brand new to the scene – either is fine, it’s just handy to know where you’re coming from in terms of experience.

2. Whether you’ve got any health issues I need to be aware of  – again, I’m not going to say no to seeing you if you have a health problem, but I do need to be aware if you are likely to have fresh stitches which are going to burst open when I trample you (yep – that happened!), have diabetes, are prone to panic attacks when confined, or may have access issues when you visit me.

3. What you’re into and what you hope to experience. I’m not talking about a full script for a 1-hour session here, but enough detail for me to decide whether our interests match up. I give a handy checklist of possible session pursuits, plus a box where you can enter your own, plus a box entitled “ideal session” where you can tell me what you have in your mind’s eye when you think about having a domination session with me. Here are a couple of examples of the kinds of responses I get:

Age: 18-25

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: None – I am a beginner.

Health: Yes – I am in good health and have no medical conditions

Medical
I have no medical conditions relevant to my participation in a BDSM session.

Activities
Ballbusting

other activity? None

Ideal session
kicked until my balls pop

Question
how will you make sure I am actually castrated by the end

This doesn’t tell me much, apart from the fact you are young and inexperienced and have not thought past the fantasy of your fetish yet. Either that or you are serious and you need help from somebody with qualifications other than mine! It’s an example of an application which won’t be replied to, as you’re unlikely to actually come along to a session (plus, I know for a FACT I’m not going to fulfil that particular fantasy for you as I don’t fancy the cleanup afterwards!)

Age: 36-55

Enquiry: This is a genuine enquiry about a possible session

Experience: I have had lots of sessions and know what to expect.

Health: No – I have medical conditions as listed below:

Medical
Weak left knee which makes kneeling for long periods impossible.

Activities
Spanking & CP

other activity? Corner time and lines

Ideal session
A CP roleplay where I am a wayward employee who is brought into line with a reprimand and spanking from my strict executive boss. I find I can take a good level of caning (36-48 strokes or more at your discretion, I am happy for you to leave your mark) if I’m thoroughly warmed up first either over the knee or bent over my boss’s desk to receive a hand spanking and paddling.

Question
Do you still have your smoked dragon cane with the purple handle? I’d love to experience it if so.

…This type of application is great, as I have a good idea of what you’re hoping for right away, without having to coax it out of you over a series of emails, which could take weeks (and which unfortunately I don’t have time to do.) If what you’ve described sounds like fun and fits within my limits, you’ll be sure to get a reply.

What you’re asking me for:

When you request your session, please make sure you’ve read all my session dos and don’ts in advance – there is no point wasting anyone’s time by asking me to do something I’ve already stated I don’t do. One thing I get asked for over and over is smoking sessions despite me clearly saying on my website (which you should’ve read in full before contacting me) that I never do it. I’m not just going to wake up one morning and think “fuck the asthma, I’ll do this chain smoking human ashtray session for this chap as he seems so nice and also he’s told me he’s really really goodlooking with a large penis too.” Requests like this just show me that you’re not interested in seeing me and that you couldn’t be bothered to read my website (see my blog about why this matters here).

If you’ve scoured my website from end to end, and you can find no mention of your fetish anywhere, either in the dos or don’ts, and you think it’s something you can respectfully ask me to consider and fits within the kind of boundaries of what you do know I find acceptable, then by all means contact me and do so. I can’t possibly write an exhaustive list of everything I am happy to do (I may not have even come across your particular fetish before!) and as long as you ask politely I will respond similarly, even if it’s just to say no thank you.

And finally… A Mistress likes to feel special!

Some of you will no doubt be amazed to find out that Mistresses can generally smell a cut ‘n’ paste session request at 50 paces… Whether it’s because you’ve forgotten to amend the “Dear Miss Jessica” on the top of the email you’ve sent to me, or because you’ve tried to save on e-postage and cyberglue by CCing us all in on the same generic “Heeeeyyy Godess” email. Next time try using BCC, it might help. Slightly. Maybe.

It’s very rare these days that anyone questions the need to make a deposit for booking a session with me. It’s pretty much become the norm when visiting a Dominatrix, at least in the UK. But recently, a prospective visitor asked me “what if you disappear with my money?”

Firstly, let’s look at why I ask for a booking payment…
Way back in about the year 2000 when I set out on my path as a pro Domme, I didn’t take deposits on session bookings. This practice lasted all of about 2 weeks, when I found that only around 30% of the people in my diary actually showed up for their sessions. At that time I was hiring premises by the hour and I had to pay for them whether or not my sub showed up. Added to that, the closest place I used was an hour’s drive away, so it became pretty disheartening pretty quickly and I started to question my decision to go pro.

One day after yet another no-show, one of the people whose place I hired made a novel suggestion: why not ask for a deposit? It would cover both the room hire and my petrol. I scoffed at the idea: who would pay £50 in advance to a total stranger?! But it was that or quit almost before I’d begun, so I began asking for a deposit. To my joy and surprise, most guys were willing to pay it, and my no-show rate went through the floor! Intermingled with those happy subs though, were a small minority who protested at sending a deposit; they either brought my integrity into question or had interesting and diverse reasons for not being able to get to a bank/use paypal/mail an envelope containing a postal order (Postal Orders! Wow, I’ve not seen one of those in years!)

So, being a somewhat naive 21 year old, I accepted quite a few tales of woe as to why it was IMPOSSIBLE or OUTRAGEOUS for somebody to give a deposit to me, and booked them in on the basis of their assurances that they’d definitely, 100%, swear-on-their-life turn up for their sessions. After we’d chatted about them in very great detail of course. And guess what? To the man, they didn’t show up. A pattern was forming. Now, I’m sure the odd person out there has a valid reason for not being able to make a booking payment in advance (they live on Jupiter, perhaps!) but by and large I found that those who didn’t pay a deposit didn’t show, and those who did, did. Or, at the very least, had covered all my costs and not left me out of pocket.

These days, the second anybody can’t or won’t pay my requested booking fee, all discussion is over; they won’t be somebody I will consider meeting. Even after paying it, the odd sub here and there still doesn’t show up. For the most part, there are good reasons for this (even if the reason is that he stopped in a layby down the road and was “overcome” with excitement about his imminent trampling, or was just unable to get out of the house that morning due to the thought of finally fulfilling his long-held fantasy of being used as human furniture) and even if there aren’t, and he just didn’t feel like it and hasn’t informed me, I don’t mind because I’ve been paid for the minor inconvenience. Hey, I even have a few guys who book repeatedly and never show up, and that’s cool too (by the way, after the first no-show, you pay me the full session fee in full, and you can fail to show up as many times in a row as you like! Please feel free to book in every week if this is your bag!)

Now, let’s look at the likelihood of me disappearing with your money…

Word would have gotten around pretty quickly if I was that type of person. We’ve all heard tales of ladies who do it, but I’ve personally never met one. It’s bad for business. It’s clear to see just from the number of hair styles I’ve had and the retro outfits in some of my older clips that I’ve been around a while, even if you’ve only recently heard of me. Plus, anyway, why would I bother nicking £50 off you when I stand to get 4 times that if I see you for your 1 hour session? I earn far more by being legitimate than I could ever hope to make by being shady, if I was that way inclined. But, quite apart from the moral factors, it seems like a hard and short-lived way to make a buck to me!

Now let’s look at the logic from your perspective, which I actually think is the most important point of all…

You’ve just contacted a Dominatrix, a person you have never met before, and you fully intend to show up at a session where she is going to:

kick you full force in the nuts, or…
fuck you in the arse for the first time, or…
trample you whilst wearing razor-sharp heels, or…
pierce your nipples with needles, or…
perform some other potentially harmful act upon your body.

…Yet you don’t trust her not to run off with your £50?! I think, if that’s the case, you probably have your priorities wrong. A lot more than £50 is at stake when you organise a session with a Dominatrix, and you should do your research and make an informed decision to request a session only with somebody you feel you can trust with both your money and your life.

Thanks for reading!